


I Have Words That Are Not Just For You And I

by citrussunscreen



Category: SHINee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-24
Updated: 2011-07-24
Packaged: 2018-08-12 23:49:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7953868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/citrussunscreen/pseuds/citrussunscreen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Taemin is newest member of a group of childhood friends, introduced by Jinki, he settles in quickly and comfortably. And then, he falls in love with Kibum.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Have Words That Are Not Just For You And I

**Title:** I Have Words That Are Not Just For You And I  
 **Pairing/Focus:** Taemin/Kibum, Onew/Kibum, Kibum/Jonghyun  
 **Rating:** R  
 **Word Count:** 12,549  
 **Summary:** Taemin is newest member of a group of childhood friends, introduced by Jinki, he settles in quickly and comfortably. And then, he falls in love with Kibum.  
 **Written for** shineebigbang @ LJ  
  


_“Hyung, let’s just stay as friends, as senior and as junior”  
_

_“What?”  
_

_“Hyung, let’s break up”  
_

_Why? “All of a sudden...this is…”  
_

_“Hyung, I’ve realised, that if I ever caught you cheating on me, I’d hate you”  
_

_“Wha-“  
_

_“I’d hate you, and then I’d come to think nothing of you”  
_

_“Kibum, this-“  
_

_“So I started wondering if I only love you because of how much you love me”  
_

_“You’re thinking silly”  
_

_Kibum pushed Jinki’s hands off his shoulders, “hyung, let’s just be friends”  
_

_“Kibum-“  
_

_“I don’t love you”, Kibum stared straight into Jinki’s eyes, “I don’t love you the way you love me.”  
_

_Jinki did not want to speak, he knew asking would not be his silver lining, “Kibum, are you still hung over Jonghyun? Is that why you’re restricting yourself from falling in love with me?”  
_

_Kibum frowned immediately and denied the question straight-away, “no, Jonghyun is, Jonghyun is just a past puppy love.”  
_

_They way Kibum quietly whispered Jonghyun’s name, the feelings, the affection attached to Jonghyun’s name, Jinki didn’t like it. He knew that it was no longer passionate love Kibum harboured towards their childhood friend Jonghyun, yet he couldn’t shake off the feeling that Kibum still loved Jonghyun more. So much more.  
_

_“Hyung, I’m really sorry for not loving you.”  
_

_“Kibum…” Jinki leaned against the table bench and took a good look at the younger, “we both have so much time left, can’t you let yourself slowly grow to love me?”  
_

_“That’s not it”, Kibum sighed, “I’m not romantically in love with you.” Kibum crossed his arms and pursed his lips, as though he were thinking hard about how to best explain it to Jinki, “I love you like how I love my parents, my family.”  
_

_Jinki creased his brows, “and how do you expect me to stop loving you?”  
_

_Kibum sighed and took Jinki’s hand and placed something in the older man’s palm. Jinki opened his palm to find a well polished gold ring staring back at him. It was their matching couple ring. It was a ring, and only a ring that couldn’t even keep together the bond between them, at least, not the bond Jinki wanted.  
_

_“I, I’ll try not to make things uncomfortable for you…”_

College bought about the start of a new dorm life. It was Minho’s idea. Kibum laughed fondly at the memory of how Minho brought up the idea of a group of childhood friends living in a small apartment together.

_“Jinki-hyung is in third year, Jonghyun-hyung in second year, and Kibum and I are in first year”, Minho pointed out as though he had resolved the most puzzling question he had ever come across.  
_

_“So?” Jonghyun crossed his arms and looked queerily at the younger friend, “are you going to say that it’s about time we all go off somewhere and get married or something?”  
_

_“Oh, that actually doesn’t sound too bad…” Minho laughed  
_

_“Wah!” Jinki playfully hit Minho on the shoulder, “Nichkhun is going to cry if you leave him”  
_

_“What!? No!” Minho denied immediately, “look, here”, Minho held up his left hand and showed his friends the shiny ring sitting on his middle finger, “I’m spending the rest of my life with him”  
_

_“Minho!” Kibum leapt up in joy, “why didn’t you tell us you brat!?”  
_

_Before Minho could even say anything else, he was enveloped in too many tight hugs and congratulatory words. Slowly pushing his beloved friends off of himself, Minho calmed his friends down, “that’s not the main point”, Minho smiled brightly, “I rented an apartment!”  
_

_“WHAT!?” Jinki, Jonghyun and Kibum looked shockingly at Minho, “you’re going to live with him already!?”  
_

_“No, no, no, no”, Minho shook his hands and tried once more to calm his friends down, “you’ve all misunderstood.” When the trio finally stopped firing questions, Minho calmly explained, “you see, I thought it might be nice to rent an apartment altogether and live together…the four of us.”  
_

_“What about your beloved?” Kibum asked when Minho’s words finally sunk in.  
_

_“Khun?” Minho nodded a couple of times before he pursed his lips, “ah, I see I haven’t told you this either…we need to meet up more often, seriously, anyway, Khun is, he’s going to be studying abroad for a while…”  
_

_“So you’re going to be lonely in that apartment, so to replace Nichkhun, you’re inviting your best friends to live with you?” Kibum scrutinised, “I can’t say I like being treated as a substitute, but this way we can spend more time together right?”  
_

_“Hahahahahaa…”, Minho scratched his head a little, “I feel as though you’re still misunderstanding something…”_

Kibum shook his head lightly to brush the memories from his head before he returned to grocery shopping, wondering what kind of dinner he should make for his dear friends. Perhaps Kibum was just tired, or Jinki Condition was finally rubbing onto him, but before he knew it, the next second, Kibum found himself sprawled across the floor of the supermarket.

“Uwah”, Kibum rubbed his elbow painfully, “I’m getting clumsy…”

“I…I’m so sorry!” A boy about Kibum’s age helps Kibum onto his feet, “I hope you’re not hurt!”

Kibum raised an eyebrow at the boy as he rubbed his sore limbs, “I, I’m sorry for running into you…?”

“No, no, really, I’m so sorry”, the boy apologised again with a deep bow, “please, let me make it up to you?”

“Huh?” Kibum looked strangely at the other

“Please, I insist, if even just getting you a drink…”

Kibum checked the time on his watch and sighed at the persistent boy, “I have about 45 minutes, you could get me a coffee I guess.”

“Yes please!” The boy pursed his lips and nodded sincerely.

Somehow, Kibum found himself sitting at STARBUCKS waiting for his coffee with a complete stranger. STARBUCKS to him is all too much of a familiar setting. It reminded him of Jonghyun.

_“Kibum-ah”, Jonghyun twirled the straw around his drink, “Kibum-ah, I know you love Jinki-hyung.”  
_

_Kibum stared at Jonghyun and waited for the other to continue talking, “I know you love me”, Jonghyun took a hold of Kibum’s hands softly, “I know you love me differently to the way you love Jinki-hyung, differently to the way you love your parents…”, Jonghyun sighed as he tried to find the right words to say, “I know you love me differently to how I love you.”  
_

_Blinking his eyes, Kibum wished that he wasn’t hearing right. Wished that Jonghyun loved him the way he loved Jonghyun. Kibum bit his lips before he nodded, tears threatening to spill as he did so.  
_

_“Kibum”, Jonghyun said softly.  
_

_Kibum breathed in deeply, Jonghyun’s voice was tender, warm and filled with love yet it hurt to hear Jonghyun say his name like that. And to know that they could only go as far as to being best friends, forever and ever, “Jonghyun-hyung, I…”  
_

_Standing up, Jonghyun let go of Kibum’s hands, “Kibum-ah, I thought, because you’re always taking such great care of me, I should let you know first…”  
_

_Kibum looked up at Jonghyun with scared eyes. He knew what was coming. His gut was flipping and his heart was already aching in pain.  
_

_“Do you remember Sekyung? In the same year as I am…”, Jonghyun gulped and lowered his eyes to look straight into Kibum’s eyes, “I’m going out with her now, she’s my girlfriend.”  
_

_Those words struck Kibum right where it hurt the most. He knew that Jonghyun was already feeling bad for creating all the pain in Kibum’s heart because Jonghyun was soft like that. The torment that would await him after realisation sinks in too deeply was something he did not want to encounter. His lusting after Jonghyun was not even a secret anymore. His feelings were pouring out of him without stop, yet now that Jonghyun belonged to someone, Kibum could imagine the vast complications he’ll have when he thinks about Jonghyun next, when he touches the other, when his heart yearns for the other. Warm tears covered Kibum’s cheeks, and he did not know what to do as Jonghyun gave him a smile and wrapped his arms around him, trying to comfort him, only to tear Kibum’s heart apart even more._

Kibum lightly carded through his own hair, he remembered that he had skipped school for the whole week after that, telling his homeroom teacher that he had caught the cold. He did not want to see anyone at that time. Ironically, it was also at STARBUCKS in which Kibum decided that he could try going out with Jinki-hyung.

_“It’s just the two of us again?” Kibum asked, sulking as he sipped out of his ice cappuccino and leaned back comfortably in his seat.  
_

_Jinki rolled his eyes, “Jonghyun is busy with Sekyung, and Minho has been kidnapped for a while, he’s coming back from Thailand in a week or so right? We should plan his welcome back party soon.”  
_

_“Hyung~ What welcome back party? That guy is on a trip without us, he’s having fun, it’s like he’s on his honeymoon already”, Kibum complained.  
_

_“Kibum~” Jinki shook his drink a little and shook his head at the other, “did you already forget that the four of us went to Japan in the middle of the year? Getting so jealous already.”  
_

_“I guess we do monopolise their time a lot…it’s just, it’s lonely when not all four of us are together…”, Kibum sighed and supported his chin with a palm, “sometimes, it feels like the two of them have left us behind and gone off somewhere far, far away…”  
_

_Jinki lightly hit Kibum’s head, “stop it, you know we can’t tie them down forever.”  
_

_Kibum’s expression darkened and was visibly sulking before he randomly stated, “I really don’t like this place.”  
_

_“Is it because of Jonghyun?” Jinki asked, placing his drink on the table and stared at Kibum, making sure to notice if the other made any strange expressions.  
_

_“Jinki-hyung, I”, Kibum turned to look at the other and was stunned shock from finishing his sentence by Jinki’s serious expression.  
_

_“Kibum”, Jinki said clearly and slowly, “why don’t you try and rely on me more?”  
_

_“Hm?” Kibum pretended he did not know what Jinki was talking about.  
_

_“Fall in love with me”, Jinki said loud and clear to Kibum.  
_

_“Hyung?” Kibum asked when Jinki suddenly stood up and tried to make his way towards Kibum. Only to trip over his own shoes and fall face flat onto the floor. “Hyung!?” Kibum stood up when Jinki fell and asked worriedly, “you hurt? I know it’s not your first time falling like this…but, it looked like it hurt.”  
_

_“Ah…” Jinki slowly sat up and laughed it off as he looked up at Kibum, “Kibum, go out with me?”  
_

_“I…”, Kibum helped Jinki to his feet, “I guess it’s ok.”_

“Your coffee”

Kibum looked up and escaped his memories as the boy handed him his coffee, “thank-you.”

“I’m really sorry about before, I don’t’ usually bump into other people”, the boy apologised again before he bowed, again, “and I’m kind of in a rush, so if you’ll excuse me, so sorry…”

“Hah…” Kibum watched the back of the boy as he ran off. Standing up, Kibum held the coffee and decided he might as well leave his memories behind at STARBUCKS and head home, head back to their apartment.

As soon as Kibum opened the door, he could hear the cries of his friends – “Kibum’s back! Dinner is here!” Sighing, Kibum passed the shopping bags to an eager Minho before he finished the last of his coffee.

“You had enough time to go grab coffee? And it’s STARBUCKS coffee…thought you didn’t like STARBUCKS anymore, change of mind already?” Minho asked, “should’ve just come back earlier~ We’re all starving you know?”

“Hm~” Kibum placed his coat on the coat hanger before hurriedly going to the kitchen to start making dinner.

“What’s for dinner tonight?” Jonghyun asked as he sauntered in drying his hair with a towel.

“Kibum is just starting now”, Minho smiled before he jokingly said, “perhaps we should just order pizza now.”

“Haha, Kibum would murder us if we did”, Jonghyun laughed merrily.

“I can hear you, you know?” Kibum shot the two a glare before asking, “where’s Jinki-hyung anyway?”

“Jinki-hyung?” Jonghyun nodded, “he said something about how the newcomer is coming today and went to go pick him up.”

“Ah, he did say something like that…” Kibum suddenly remembered as he started cutting up vegetables to stir-fry, silently telling himself he’ll need to make more than usual, “the kid is still in high school right?”

“Yeah”, Minho affirmed, “Jinki-hyung’s acquaintance, they were in the same club or something when Jinki-hyung was still in high school.”

“You know”, Jonghyun stared at the two younger friends, “you two only just graduated from high school last year…brats”

“And yet we’re mentally more mature than you”, Kibum stated as though it were the basic of basics. And to this, Jonghyun nodded, agreeing with Kibum. “Oh”, Kibum suddenly turned to look at the two, “forgot to thank you for cooking the rice ahead of time for me.”

Jonghyun and Minho shrugged, “we’re kind of use to it, you do come back late every now and then…and it’s not like we can’t cook rice, right, Minho?”

“Mm~” Minho stretched his arms before he threw his arms forward and laid on the kitchen table tiredly. He was hungry.

“How was your day today? Lectures and all went well?” Kibum asked when he couldn’t stand the silence and stares that were desperately waiting for dinner even though they knew full well that they wouldn’t start eating until Jinki came home anyway.

“Ah…”, Jonghyun nodded “yeah”

“Nothing much happened”, Minho yawned, “though Jinki-hyung was complaining about something to do with the chemistry lab he had today.”

“Ah, really?” Kibum asked, mildly interested but didn’t ask further.

“What about you?” Jonghyun asked

“Same old, same old”, Kibum replied without looking up at the others as he quickly placed the vegetables in the frying pan and reached out into the fridge to grab a pack of meat.

“Wah~ It smells so good”, Jonghyun sighed dreamily as the sound of the meat sizzling on the frying pan evoked his senses, “do we still have soup from yesterday?”

“Mmmhmm~” Kibum acknowledged as he started to heat up the left over soup from the night before.

Just as Jonghyun was shaking Minho who had fallen asleep on the kitchen table, the front door of the apartment clicked open.

“Oh? Jinki-hyung is home?” Kibum looked up before looking at Jonghyun, silently telling the older one to go invite Jinki and the new dorm-mate home.

Placing his towel on the chair he was sitting on, Jonghyun got up with a smile and pulled the still half sleeping Minho with him to go greet Jinki-hyung.

“Hey guys, is Kibumie home?” Jinki asked as he stepped into the apartment, a skinny boy right behind him.

“Yeah”, Minho rubbed his eyes tiredly, “he’s making dinner”

“Ah, this is our new friend, Lee Taemin”, Jinki introduced as he hurriedly pulled Taemin over, “this is Jonghyun and Minho”, Jinki pointed to his two childhood friends respectively.

“Nice to meet you”, Jonghyun and Minho smiled as they shook Taemin’s hand respectively.

“And the one in the kitchen”, Jinki leads Taemin to the kitchen and points to Kibum, “he is Kibum.”

Kibum turns around instantly and offers a friendly smile, “hi! Welcome to the family.”

Taemin nods and is about to introduce himself when something strikes him, “ah! You’re the guy from this afternoon!”

“Huh?” Kibum blinks before he takes a closer look at the other, “Oh! STARBUCKS!”

“STARBUCKS?” Jinki asks Jonghyun, wondering if the other knew. Jonghyun merely shrugged and looked at Minho, wondering if he knew.

“Kibum was holding a STARBUCKS coffee when he came home”, Minho whispered.

“I bumped into him by accident when I was grocery shopping, and then he bought me a coffee at STARBUCKS in apology”, Kibum explained, a smile on his face, awed at the coincidence that only seemed to occur in fiction novels, “well, I need to get the rest of dinner ready, so all of you can go take a seat, it’ll be done soon.”

“Wow, what uncanny coincidence”, Jonghyun laughed as he ushered Taemin to a seat.

Taemin smiled gratefully as he looked up at all the warm smiles that were directed at him. He felt as though he would fit perfectly into the group. Perhaps it was meant to be that he was looking for a place to stay, perhaps it was all destiny that he had happened to bump into Jinki who offered him a place to stay. Perhaps it was fate that had brought him to bump into Kibum at the supermarket, and to even go as far as to treating him to coffee. Yes, everything was in the palm of God’s hands.

“So, which club were you and Jinki-hyung in?” Jonghyun asked Taemin with interest, “from what I remember, Jinki-hyung was in a hell lot of clubs in high school.”

“Newspaper club, environment club, hockey club, student representative society...” Minho listed with his fingers, “how many more am I missing?”

Jinki smiled brightly at Minho’s failed attempt to count all the clubs he was in.

“Well”, Taemin tapped his chin, “Jinki-hyung, we actually met at Church.”

“Church!?” Kibum looked surprisingly at both Jinki and Kibum, “we never saw Taemin there did we?”

The other members of the ‘group’ shook their head slowly. Jinki gave Kibum a knowing look, he knew that all Kibum had eyes for at that time was Jonghyun. It was always Jonghyun, had always been Jonghyun, and he can just hope that in the future, it would be less of Jonghyun, and more of himself.

“But then it’s not like we go to church a lot”, Kibum mumbled, referring to Jonghyun, Minho and himself.

“True”, Jinki nodded, “but yes, Taemin and I go to the same church frequently, and we were in the theatre arts club together, when I was still in high school.”

“Theatre arts?” Jonghyun looked with wide eyes, “then at some stage, we must’ve seen Taemin perform when we went to go watch Jinki-hyung’s performances!”

“Ah, we should go look for the old videos we recorded of Jinki-hyung’s performances, see if we can spot Taemin”, Minho suggested but was slapped over the head by Kibum.

“Aren’t you dying of hunger?” Kibum asked, “eat first, ok? I did rush home to make dinner for you lot you know?”

“We know~” everyone chirped brightly as they started setting up the table as Kibum placed his skilfully made dinner on the dinner table to share.

Dinner was peaceful; a couple of laughs here and there, but it was spent mostly with the childhood friends trying to get to know Taemin more. Old stories were shared to encompass the would be awkward atmosphere into one which was welcoming warm, and full of smiles.

After about a week, Taemin had settled in quite nicely into the group, the five youths spent quite the amount of time together, watching movies of all genre – humour, romance, horror, crime and action together. Watching movies soon became something they did a couple of times a week together. They’d sit together, all squished onto the cough with a couple of blankets and a few packs of potato chips. It was as though Taemin had always belonged in their ring of tight friendship.

Soon, Kibum found himself spending more and more time with the maknae of the house. He realised that times in which it were just the two of them sitting together and softly talking increased. He realised that as time passed by, he was thinking less about Jonghyun, perhaps he was falling in love. He adored the other’s smile, the other’s laughs, the other’s touches, the other’s presence. Taemin was gradually becoming the blood that ran in Kibum’s veins.

And when Kibum realised that Taemin had rooted himself firmly inside his own heart, Kibum wondered how he could suddenly start liking someone else so much when he was already loving Jonghyun. At first, Kibum had merely thought that he was finally loving Taemin as much as he loves his family, yet as time slowly dripped past, he would catch himself thinking “I wonder what Taemin’s lips will feel like against my skin?” Yet at the same time, Kibum found his heart still anchored to Jonghyun. Wasn’t this like his own heart betraying itself? Kibum frowned, that didn’t make sense and confused him immensely. Stuck with such a predicament, Kibum sought after Jinki and Minho’s advice.

_“So basically”, Minho held his own chin as though he were in deep thought as he looked at Kibum seriously, “you love Jonghyun, and you were sure of it until you realised that you’re starting to love Taemin too.”  
_

_Kibum nodded and sent Jinki a worried glance, wondering if his explanation made sense. However, Jinki did not say anything, and Kibum took that as a good sign.  
_

_“And now you’re confused as to how you can love more than one person like that at once, right?” Minho asked Kibum.  
_

_“Yeah”, Kibum confirmed.  
_

_“Okay…”, Minho looked a little lost at first before he started talking again, “you know, I’ve never been in that kind of a situation before…are you sure it’s not just because you’re so weird?”  
_

_Kibum rolled his eyes and lightly whacked Minho’s arm, “stop joking around.”  
_

_Jinki still did not say anything and only continued to look on.  
_

_“Okay”, Minho lifted his hands in defence, “I think, your heart knows you best, so maybe if your heart has started to like someone else, perhaps it’s your heart’s way of telling you that perhaps now is the time to start a new love?”  
_

_“Is this what everyone means by how you can never forget your first love?” Kibum pondered.  
_

_Minho shrugged and Kibum glared at him when he realised that Minho didn’t have such troubles.  
_

_“Lady Luck just doesn’t want to be on my side right?” Kibum laughed coldly and threw his hands up.  
_

_Minho took a look at Kibum and then looked at Jinki and smiled sheepishly. He wanted to tell Kibum that even though Lady Luck may not be on his side, he always still had his friends. Minho wondered if Kibum even knew that Jinki still loves Kibum very, very much.  
_

_“Does your heart ache?” Jinki finally opened his mouth.  
_

_“I…” Kibum was a little taken aback as he placed a hand over his left chest, as though he were trying to feel a response from his own heart. He didn’t know how to answer.  
_

_Jinki lightly wrapped his arms around Kibum’s tired shoulders, “just follow your heart, it’ll lead you to the right path eventually.”  
_

_Kibum gasped at the sudden intimacy before he relaxed in Jinki’s hold. Those gentle and confident words, he would believe in them._

“Kibum-hyung”, Taemin knocks on Kibum’s bedroom door before entering.

“Hm?” Kibum looked up from his comfortable position in his bed, “do you need help with homework?”

“Ah, no”, Taemin took a seat at the end of Kibum’s bed, “I just wanted to discuss something with you.”

“Sure, I’m all ears”, Kibum placed his magazine aside and concentrated on Taemin.

“I’m wondering if I should go study overseas”, Taemin said calmly and looked at Kibum with a hopeful face, he believed that Kibum would point him in the right direction.

“Why? All of a sudden”, Kibum looked at Taemin with interest, wondering what kind of persuasion he must’ve encountered, “have you been offered a scholarship to study overseas already?”

Taemin looked a little surprised at how quickly Kibum had guessed the answer, and then looked a little embarrassed as he scratched his cheek lightly before nodding, “yeah, pretty much.”

“For how long?” Kibum asked, silently hoping that it won’t be a terribly long time.

“Mm, after I finish High School, for half a year.”

“It’ll be a good experience, don’t you think?” Kibum asked, “it’s worth going to so long as it’s not too pricey.” _Though six months will be a very long time_ Kibum thought to himself.

“That’s what I was thinking”, Taemin spoke quietly.

Looking at Taemin’s wavering expression, Kibum sighed, leaned forward and placed a hand on Taemin’s shoulder, “if you’re still unsure, have you asked the other guys?” Kibum asked, referring to the other youths that occupied the same apartment.

Taemin shook his head, “I thought it would be better to get a straight answer from you, I think I will go after all.”

Kibum smiled a little.

“I’ll miss you”, Taemin stated before hurriedly saying, “of course, I’ll miss the other too, but, I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too”, Kibum nodded, “I’m sure everyone will miss you.”

“Really?” Taemin asked, uncertain.

“Yeah, we all like you”, Kibum reassured.

“Do you like me?” Taemin asked.

Kibum raised an eyebrow at the sudden question, but answered anyway, “of course I like you. You like me too, right?” Even though Kibum asked the question without intending to ask about Taemin’s romantic feelings, he still felt nervous.

“I like you too, I like you a lot”, Taemin smiled.

Kibum couldn’t help but feel a little shy as he smiled at Taemin’s obvious answer.

“I think I may like you too much”, Taemin suddenly mustered up his courage and told Kibum.

He could feel his heart flutter when Taemin said those words. Kibum wondered if those words were a confession. When Kibum blinked in the half a second he closed his eyes, Taemin was already holding his hands. The warmth was familiar and not uncomfortable.

It was as though Kibum’s brain suddenly decided to take matters to a different path, as though logical thinking was no longer needed, and only being truly frank and blunt was the only tool needed, “I know I like you more than I should too”, Kibum told Taemin in a half whisper with certainty.

Taemin pressed Kibum against the bed gently and asked with a soft but confident voice, “can I?”

Kibum opened his eyes to look into Taemin’s big and clear eyes, his lips parted a little but did not say anything, instead he nodded.

Smiling, Taemin dipped his head lower to place a quick kiss on Kibum’s lips, his hands went to slide under Kibum’s thin shirt, his fingers slowly moving to rub against Kibum’s nipples. Taking a short breath, Taemin leaned in again to capture Kibum’s lips once more.

The kiss was intoxicating.

Yet as Taemin moved from Kibum’s lips to gently caress the other’s neck with his own lips, a small voice cracked his shell of happiness.

“Jonghyun…” Kibum whispered almost inaudibly.

Taemin’s actions paused at that one name. He repeated the name Kibum gasped out before letting his fingers run through Kibum’s hair quickly. Taemin then hopped of Kibum slowly, muttered an apology before he slinked out of the room with a gloomy and confused expression. Taemin brushed by Jinki who was leaning against the door opposite Kibum’s bedroom door, he had his arms crossed and a totally know-it-all expression on his face. Taemin did not say anything to Jinki, only gave the older a sad look before he suddenly squatted in front of Kibum’s bedroom door in grief, as he tried to straighten out his confusion and try to stop his tears from pooling and stream down his cheeks.

Jinki sighed before he walked up to Taemin, pat the other on the head and then headed into Kibum’s room, “Kibum?” Jinki whispered as he sat at the foot of Kibum’s bed.

“Hyung?” Kibum’s small voice came out from under the covers.

“Mm~” Jinki turned to look at Kibum in the dimly lit room, “do you want to talk about it?”

Jinki did not receive an answer, however, after a brief awkward moment, suddenly, two familiar arms wrapped strongly around him.

“Kibum…”, Jinki whispered, his hands instinctively going to hold the other’s hands, “don’t cry.”

“Hyung, I, I’m a terrible person”, Kibum choked out in tears as he still hugged Jinki strongly, “I’m a really terribly and disgusting person.”

“No, Kibum, you’re not”, Jinki said soothingly as he lightly patted the back of the other’s hand, “you’re nothing like that.”

“I can’t forget him”, Kibum cried painfully, “after all this time, I still can’t forget him deep down inside Why!?”

Jinki’s heart clenched tightly when Kibum’s hold on him grew stronger, “it’s okay, Kibum, you can take your time, you know that in the end, I’ll be here for you. We all will.”

“Taeminnie…” Kibum sobbed, “how can I ever apologise to him? Hyung, what should I do?”

Jinki shifted his hands so that his fingers were carding through Kibum’s hair, “just tell him you’re sorry, straight up, I’m sure Taemin will feel better if you do.”

“I’m so sorry”, Kibum sobbed, “I’m really, really sorry”, Kibum apologised over and over. And to Jinki, he couldn’t tell who Kibum was apologising to, perhaps it was to Taemin who was probably still squatting outside the door in shock, perhaps it was to himself, perhaps to Jonghyun, maybe even Minho, or even to them all…and his heart ached.

It was rather late at night when Minho finally came home.

“Taemin?” Minho asked as he walked into the kitchen to find Taemin sitting silently and alone at the kitchen table, “what are you doing still up?”

Taemin considered throwing the question back at the other, but instead settled with saying nothing and only showing a troubled expression after he thought about it quickly. He knew that Minho coming home late wasn’t a big deal, he was out, he always is, with Nichkhun. Taemin knew that it wasn’t right to suddenly spit out his anger, frustration and envy at someone who had done nothing wrong, so he swallowed up his words and dissatisfaction.

“What’s wrong?” Minho’s smile dropped as he took a seat next to the youngest, hoping to be able to comfort the other.

“I…”, Taemin only needed to take one look at the other’s super worried expression before he felt guilty, as though he were obliged to tell the older what was bothering him, “I like Kibum-hyung.”

“I know”, Minho nodded.

“I like him the way you and Nichkhun-hyung like each other.” Taemin stressed.

“I know”, Minho repeated again. It was obvious.

“But…”, Taemin took in a deep breath and directed his focus at the blank wall, “but Kibum-hyung doesn’t seem to like me…”

“Taemin, I can assure you that Kibum likes you”, Minho told the other truthfully.

“Hyung, I mean, I wish he would like me the way I like him”, Taemin had to explain

“Oh”, Minho felt a little dumb, he blamed it on the time of the night.

“Yeah, see, even you know that Kibum-hyung can’t find it in himself to like me like that.”

“Taemin…”

“I wish someone would’ve told me before hand that Kibum-hyung already had someone he liked before I fell in love with him”, Taemin said without much feeling.

“Even so”, Minho tapped his fingers against his chin, “even if we did tell you, love is so mysterious, you’ll probably end up falling in love with him anyway.”

“Hm?” Taemin raised an eyebrow, not expecting Minho to take him seriously.

“Hahaa, perhaps someone really should fill the gaps in for you”, Minho crossed his arms and nodded proudly as he silently voted himself to be the one to try and answer Taemin’s questions, “Jinki-hyung actually likes Kibum. For the longest time too.”

“Eh?” Taemin stared dumbly at Minho.

“They even went out at one point”, Minho stated, a fond smile on his lips.

“Eh!?” Taemin’s eyes widened.

“It didn’t work out though…” Minho nodded slowly and pursed his lips, “I’m pretty sure they broke up because Kibum was still in love with Jonghyun-hyung.”

“Hah!?” Taemin shook his head in disbelief, but then sighed as he finally had clear evidence for the reason as to why Kibum had whispered Jonghyun’s name.

“And Jinki-hyung fell in love with the Kibum who was in love with Jonghyun-hyung…” Minho smiled softly, “confusing, isn’t it?”

Taemin nodded at the new information and tried to surmise himself, “but Jonghyun-hyung couldn’t reciprocate Kibum-hyung’s feelings because he loved Sekyung-noona.”

“Uh…”, Minho scratched his cheek lightly with awkwardness, “um, actually, that’s not how it really happened…”

“What?” Taemin was on the edge of the chair now, he couldn’t believe it, there was more to this already tangled love line?

_“What should I do?” Jonghyun grabbed onto both Jinki and Minho and held tightly, “help me guys~”  
_

_“Jonghyun!” Jinki pulled Jonghyun off of himself and Minho who was helplessly trying not to tug too hard.  
_

_“Guys~” Jonghyun whined, pleading, “you have to help me with this, “I don’t want Kibum chasing after something that’ll never happen forever!”  
_

_“Just tell him straight to the face”, Minho suggested for the nth time that day.  
_

_Jonghyun gave the younger a look of horror, “what if that breaks his heart into smithereens!?”  
_

_“Like anything else you do won’t break his heart…” Jinki’s eyebrow raised, “it’s going to break even if you don’t do anything.”  
_

_“Uwaaaaaaaaah!” Jonghyun cried loudly, “what am I going to do!? I don’t want to lose Kibum as a friend!”  
_

_“Shhhhh! You’re too loud, hyung”, Minho ushered the other to be quiet, “at this rate the whole world will know that you’re mentally breaking down.”  
_

_Jinki gave Minho a disapproving look before he placed a hand on Jonghyun’s shoulder, “cheer up, there’s got to be something we can do.”  
_

_“Like?” Jonghyun whispered softly.  
_

_“Um…” Minho tried to think as he buried his head in his arms.  
_

_“How about”, Jinki raised an idea, “why don’t we get you a girlfriend?”  
_

_“Eh!?” Jonghyun and Minho looked at Jinki with horrified eyes.  
_

_“You’re telling Jonghyun-hyung to be cunning, sly and lie to Kibum?” Minho hurriedly asked Jinki.  
_

_“It’ll get Kibum off his back…”, Jinki stated.  
_

_“Really?” Jonghyun asked, “it’ll prevent Kibum from falling down, down and down?”  
_

_“Hopefully”, Jinki nodded.  
_

_“I…I don’t like this”, Minho pouted  
_

_“That’s because you’re a hopeless sap who believes that dating is always with true feelings”, Jinki whacked Minho’s arm playfully.  
_

_“What’s wrong with that?” Minho asked as though he had been woefully wronged.  
_

_“So, if I do go through with this plan, who am I going to get the help from?”Jonghyun asked, his voice shaking a little.  
_

_“Hm~” Jinki looked around from where they were huddling in the middle of the courtyard, “what about Shin Sekyung?” Jinki suggested with confidence.  
_

_“Eh?” Jonghyun and Minho whipped their heads towards Jinki, “why?”  
_

_“Don’t you think it’s a nice choice?” Jinki smiled, “Jonghyun is close with her from the start anyway.”  
_

_“Oh…” Minho looked up as though he had just remembered something, “now that I think about it, I do see Jonghyun-hyung talking to her quite a bit…”  
_

_“This is going to be soooooo awkward….” Jonghyun buried his head in his hands, the tips of his ears turning red. Suddenly, Jonghyun popped his head up and stared straight at Minho and Jinki, “guys, you really have to help me.”  
_

_“Huh?” Minho looked at Jonghyun and then looked at Jinki and just didn’t know what to think.  
_

_“I think I can get Sekyung to cooperate with me”, Jonghyun bit his lips.  
_

_“Good! That’s wonderful!” Jinki smiled.  
_

_“But!” Jonghyun sighed, “One of you…”, he looked between Minho and Jinki, “one of you will help distract Kibum from me right?”  
_

_“Eh!?” Minho choked out, “how!?”  
_

_“Court him!” Jonghyun said with determination.  
_

_“Wait, wait, wait!” Minho shook his hands and head as he stood up, “if I go do that and if Khun finds out, I don’t know what’s going to happen”.  
_

_“True…”, Jonghyun nodded, Minho is already in a relationship after all…which puts Jinki as the only choice left. His eyes immediately went to stare at a blank looking Jinki, “Jinki-hyung, you’ll help me right?”  
_

_Jinki blinked innocently and found that he could not refuse, for the sake of a friend._

“Eh? So did Jinki-hyung already like Kibum or was it after?” Taemin asked Minho curiously.

“Ah…” Minho shrugged, “I don’t know…Jinki-hyung is actually quite good at hiding his feelings when he really wants to…I think.”

“Or you’re just oblivious…” Taemin smiled a little, “I heard Nichkhun-hyung had to be SUPER bold for you to even get half the message…”

“That’s not true”, Minho said immediately and stood up, “whoever told you that is lying.”

“Yup, sure, I believe you”, Taemin smiled with sarcasm.

“You!” Minho crossed his arms before he turned around, “anyway, don’t be depressed, I’m sure you’ll be able to get the message across to Kibum one day. I’m going to go get some sleep now, good night.”

As Taemin watched Minho go to bed, Taemin wondered where Minho got the confidence from to claim that Kibum would come back to love him when he couldn’t even love Jinki in that way when Kibum had known Jinki for a much longer time. All he knew was that there was no doubt that Jonghyun had eventually fallen for Sekyung.

Jinki sighed as he propped himself up from Kibum’s bed. He had heard Taemin and Minho’s conversation loud and clear. He took a glance at Kibum who had cried himself to sleep and a calm smiled danced across his lips. However the smile disappeared when he wondered just why Minho thought it was possible for Kibum to love Taemin…Minho had never once mentioned that Kibum could love him back. Just what was he missing?

The next morning, Taemin finds himself being pulled out of bed by a nagging Kibum.

“Hyung?” Taemin scratches his eyes and picks himself up from the bedroom floor. And as though he had JUST realised it was Kibum who was trying to wake him up, “oh my gosh!” Taemin got up immediately in a hurry and started bowing, “hyung, I’m so sorry, really, I’m so sorry, please forgive me, don’t hate me, hyung, please!”

“Wha?” Kibum looked taken aback at Taemin’s behaviour. He had absolutely no idea what to do when Taemin dropped to his knees and then cutely flung his arms around his waist, holding tightly and crying. Not knowing what to do, Kibum dropped down to his knees too and hesitantly wrapped his own arms around Taemin tightly, whispering soft apologies into Taemin’s ear, also begging for forgiveness.

To Kibum, as he held Taemin who was wailing quite manly with a death grip around him, Kibum felt that perhaps this was the person that could make him forget about his love for Jonghyun. Perhaps he could love this person more than he already loves Jonghyun.

It was with that resolve in which Kibum decided that he’d give it a go, going out with Taemin, at least, he’ll try to.

“Wanna hang later today?” Kibum suddenly asked Taemin as he peeled the other off of him as he stood up.

“Hm?” Taemin looked a little confused before he nodded, “sure, but hyung you’ll let me sleep a little first?”

Before Kibum could even answer, Taemin had already crawled back into his bed. Sighing, Kibum told the other he’ll put Taemin’s breakfast in the oven and that he can come eat it later.

That afternoon, they were at STARBUCKS. It wasn’t usually a place Kibum would pick to go. And this was something that his close friends had gotten use to. Yet, with Taemin, STARBUCKS would be the first choice to go to. Probably because STARBUCKS is a fond memory between Taemin and Kibum.

“Taemin-ah”, Kibum started before he took a sip of his coffee.

Taemin looked at Kibum and stayed silent.

“I don’t know if it’s okay of me to ask this of you”, Kibum took in a deep breath, an attempt to soothe his racing heart, “can you give me some time to place Jonghyun-hyung outside of my heart?”

There was something about that question in which Taemin didn’t find right.

“I want to try going out with you, properly, but, I think I’ll need time to forget my one-sided love…”, Kibum explained.

Taemin nodded.

“I think, it might take a very long time for me to get over it”, Kibum said quietly, “it might even be years, and I know it’s ridiculous for me to ask this of you, but I feel that if I don’t, I’ll lose my chance”, Kibum bit his lips softly before he asked the younger male, “can you wait for me?”

Taemin wondered how he should answer Kibum. The two sat in a tense silence for a while before Taemin finally spoke, “I don’t think I can wait for you to get over Jonghyun-hyung and then start dating”, Taemin took a sip from Kibum’s coffee to quench his thirst before he continued, “I think I want to let you get over him and date you at the same time.”

“What?” Kibum almost sneered at the preposterous suggestion, “Taemin, do you even understand how difficult that would be for you?”

Taemin smiled sweetly, “I want to help you get over it. I want to be there for you when you’re confused and finding things difficult.”

“Taemin, that’s-“ Kibum started but was interrupted.

“Kibum”, Taemin dropped the formalities, got up from his seat and walked towards Kibum, “just agree and let me kiss you.”

Kibum stared hard at Taemin and was just about to scold the other for the informal language when he found that his lips had been captured forcefully. And yet, Kibum found that he didn’t mind Taemin’s forcefulness, it was a little gentle even though forceful.

That night, Taemin and Kibum announced to their apartment roommates that they had officially started going out.

Curious gazes were sent towards the two from Jinki and Minho. They hadn’t expected Kibum to have settled things with such swift speeds. Jonghyun merely smiled cheerfully and clapped, congratulating the two.

It was about a week later in which Jonghyun confessed out of the blue.

“I broke up with Sekyung”, Jonghyun said a little solemnly but with a smile on his face as he put down the chopsticks he was holding.

The other members stopped eating and looked at Jonghyun with shock and confusion and wondered just where and why Jonghyun suddenly announced such an announcement.

“What?” Jinki manages to ask, though in a very soft voice.

“You guys broke up?” Kibum asks in disbelief.

Jonghyun pursed his lips and nodded. Taemin took a brief look at Kibum’s shocked expression and held his breath. Minho glanced at Jonghyun and wondered if there was anything he could say to break the awkward silence.

“It didn’t work out in the end”, Jonghyun muttered, “we once liked each other, we once loved each other like nothing else, treasured each other so much but then, suddenly, the flame died and I just couldn’t love her anymore.”

“Hyung…” Minho whispered.

“So I ended it!” Jonghyun looked up brightly, “it’s a pity she wasn’t the one in the end.”

“It’s ok”, Jinki smiled a little, “I’m sure God will lead you to the right person eventually”. Jinki unconsciously grips the couple ring he carried in his pocket tightly. Unsuited thoughts running through his head.

Kibum started breathing again, his hands clenched into fists under the dinner table, his head lowered and his eyes dilated. To Kibum, Jonghyun had the ultimate love. The ultimate romance. Jonghyun had the sweetest love with Sekyung, a love that was so firm and so lovingly strong it seemed impossible to be broken. But clearly, Kibum was wrong. Here he was, sitting at the kitchen table and listening to Jonghyun tell them all that his love with Sekyung had ended.

Was love really that fragile? That flimsy?

That single question passed through Kibum’s head like fire. It lit him up from the darkness he had clouded himself in and alerted him, perhaps his love with Taemin would end up like Jonghyun’s love with Sekyung. Kibum did not know what to think as he looked up to see Jonghyun and Taemin hugging lightly, quiet streaks of tears running down Jonghyun’s well defined cheeks.

His heart was aching.

The next morning, Taemin sits beside Kibum’s bed and watches the other sleep, he lightly touches the other’s cheeks as he thinks about the consequences of Jonghyun’s breakup with Sekyung. He wonders if this will dig Kibum’s recent resolve to forget about his feelings for Jonghyun from the grave. He worries over whether Kibum will now unconsciously choose Jonghyun over everyone else, over himself…after all, from the sounds of what Minho had told him, even after the longest time, Kibum seemed unable to let go of Jonghyun, for anything, for anyone.

But wouldn’t Taemin’s distrust in Kibum’s feelings for him mean that he had no self confidence? That he didn’t have a deep enough love for Kibum?

Taemin shook his head with despair. He had to keep on believing in Kibum’s resolve. His promise.

Kibum’s eyes opens. A pleasant smile finds its way across Kibum’s lips when he sees Taemin, “ah, Taeminnie~”

At the sight of Kibum’s dazzling smile, Taemin smiles back and his worries disappear, the dull ache in his heart vanishes, for the time being.

“You have the smile of an angel”, Taemin laughed as he snuggled into Kibum’s bed childishly.

As the days passed on after Jonghyun’s break up with Sekyung, Minho noticed that Jonghyun was home more. Which was nice, and before he knew it, Nichkhun was jokingly complaining about how the two of them – Nichkhun and Minho don’t spend enough time together. Minho smiled fondly at that one memory. Minho also noticed that these days, Jinki kept a even closer eye on Kibum. He really started to wonder if Kibum really didn’t know that Jinki still loved him. And how Minho picks up these things, he is puzzled himself. However, he just categorized it as a means for him to keep close tabs on the friends he treasured so much.

Jinki knew that Jonghyun’s breakup with Sekyung would mentally and psychologically affect Kibum. He tried to keep a closer eye on Kibum, just in case the other did something drastic, perhaps, along the lines of suicide or murder if not throwing tantrums and then wallowing in depression and gloom. Jinki worried, worried and scared that Kibum might become confused again and come back to love Jonghyun. In Jinki’s eyes, Taemin was someone that could be easily disposed of in Kibum’s life, however, Jonghyun was another story, Jonghyun is an enigma of Kibum’s life. Just when Jinki thought that Jonghyun was going to be forever gone in Kibum’s life, Jonghyun just had to come back declaring that he was once again single. Yet as Jinki monitored Kibum, he noticed that Kibum would smile more when Taemin was around, as though Taemin’s presence got rid of Kibum thoughts of Jonghyun. At this realisation, Jinki wondered just how big of a influence Taemin is.

If anything, Kibum noticed the distance between Jonghyun and Taemin after Jonghyun’s breakup with Sekyung. It drove Kibum nuts, it kept him awake at nights when he realised that Jonghyun and Taemin were growing closer and closer together, the fact that Jonghyun and Taemin were spending more and more time together was mortifying. To Kibum it kind of reflected the scenario of how Taemin and Kibum first became closer. It annoyed Kibum, it frustrated Kibum. It made Kibum think about whether Jonghyun’s break up was done on purpose, just to annoy Kibum, just to get Kibum thinking about his heart’s decision again, just to put him in another dilemma and make life harder for him. Because now, Jonghyun was here again. He’s not taken anymore, and Kibum’s heart naturally swung to him in elevated hope. And yet he was getting all chummy with Taemin. Jonghyun knows that Kibum likes Jonghyun but is now with Taemin, yet he’d still smile innocently at Kibum with an arm hanging off Taemin’s shoulder. It was something Kibum would not abide to, this messing with his head, he’s had enough already.


End file.
